Friday, July 24, 2009

Previewing the New Season of Hell's Kitchen

Last Tuesday the new season of Fox's cooking reality show Hell's Kitchen debuted, and so far many questions remain unanswered. Will Chef Ramsay yell "GET OUT, JUST GET OUT!" and "IT'S STONE COLD!" 25 times or 30 times per episode? Will Cocky New Yorker Who Ain't Gonna Take No Crap From Nobody version 6.0 take Ramsey outside and finally give him the beatdown he's had coming to him? Will one of the aspiring chefs sever their own hand trying to cut celery and be sent to the emergency room? We'll have to watch to find out, as 16 pseudo cooks duke it out for a chance to have their name plastered on a restaurant that Gordon Ramsay barely has any actual connection to. To save time, here are some potential highlights in store for this season:

- Chef Ramsay will finally cross the line when he strangles one of the male contestants and forces the rest of the chefs to devour his corpse.

- People will continue to dine at Hell's Kitchen, despite the rather disconcerting name, the distraction of hearing Ramsey shout obscenities at the chefs, and the fact that the restaurant is known for never getting appetizers out within an hour.

- A big time celebrity (possibly Corey Feldman or that guy from Saved By the Bell) will dine at Hell's Kitchen, only to have his steak be overcooked.

- Chef Ramsey will continue to make the nominations for elimination process irrelevant by simply eliminating the chef he wants to or feels is the worst for ratings.

- Jean Philippe will crack a funny one liner at one of the diners. Man that dude is hilarious.

- A woman will emerge victorious, finally overcoming the age old stereotype that women don't belong in the kitchen.

- One of the chefs will DIE. Or will he? You'll have to tune in next week to find out!

- The chefs will be awoken one morning at 4 AM by clanging trash cans, a college marching band, a 747 jet engine, and a live performance by classic rock group ACDC.

- The answer to the question "WHO COOKED THE RISOTTO?" will finally be answered, and it will surpass all expectations.

- Chef Ramsay will run into controversy with animal rights group PETA after referring to one of the less talented female chefs as a "cow".

Overall, this should be the most exciting and unpredictable season of Hell's Kitchen yet. I mean, didn't you see that montage at the beginning?

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