The explosion of the popular website twitter has truly been a gift upon us all. For the first time ever, regular joes like us are allowed to follow and possibly even converse with some of the biggest stars on the planet.
One such star is Tennessee Titans running back Chris "Every Coach's Dream" Johnson. Thanks to the glory of the internet, we can know what this bright young man is doing nearly all the time every day as he prepares for the upcoming football season. Because some of his twitter messages can be hard to comprehend for the average football fan, I thought I would do a service and translate a few of his memorable entries.
July 27th, 1:06 PM -- "THE NFL TRIPPIN THEY NEED TO LET MIKE VICK PLAY HE ALREADY BEEN IN JAIL 2 YEARS DAMN WTF IM UPSET"
For starters, we can clearly see that Chris is upset, based on his excessive use of the caps lock key. Next, we look for a subject. As you can see, Mike Vick appears to be the topic of this particular entry, and Chris seems to be referring to his recent suspension from the NFL by commissioner Roger Goodell. With some more research, we can see that "THE NFL TRIPPIN" likely means that he thinks the NFL is being unjust towards Vick's situation.
Translation: "The National Football League is really being unfair towards Michael Vick. He has already been in prison for two years, so I believe a suspension of him would be superfluous. This issue angers me greatly."
July 26th, 10:47 PM -- "Me and mike(sky)walker and @fatnmack44 dex dex big brah dco big cuz wayne and cam.We in club 23 downtown last night before seasonwe goingham"
This one appears to be much more complicated. There are many different subjects and confusing nicknames that need to be sifted through. Mike Walker is another NFL player and it appears that Chris was at a club called "Club 23" with him downtown. Dex dex, big brah, dco, big cuz, wayne, and cam are all likely members of Chris' group of friends. In fact, it appears many people were at the aforementioned club. I'm still unsure on the ham part at the end, but I will make my best effort.
Translation: "Mike Walker, Big Brother, DCO, Large Cousin, Cam, and I gathered last night at Club 23 downtown. Before the season begins, we will eat pork."
July 26th, 1:52 PM -- "@KennyTurner3 he beat me I want lie but I aint call him out he call me out and I killed him tell him to stick to working out"
This one is somewhat easier as Christopher elects to use "he" instead of a strange nickname. We can see that some sort of trash talking is going on, but it's not clear what exactly he is talking about. "I want lie" seems to imply that he needs to lie down. Perhaps he is ill? Or maybe he wants to lie to someone. This is where we need to look at context to determine the true intended meaning of the sentence. "I killed him" also seems to imply that a murder took place at first glance, but I believe he meant that he defeated the person decisively. This one is very tricky, but once again I'll try.
Translation: "He defeated me, and now I feel ill and want to lie down. I did not call him out, it was he who called me out. I defeated him in a swift and decisive fashion. You should tell him to stick to exercising."
That was a difficult challenge, but I think I've succeeded in spreading the word of Chris Johnson and making it available to people of all ages and creeds. This man needs to be heard, and it would be a shame of anyone missed out on his wisdom.